So, I’m pretty sure I haven’t updated you all in… a little bit. Which is fine, since this is mostly for you guys anyways, not just to vent and cheer and cry about my love life.
But anyways, It’s my finals week.
Garry has been fantastic lately…by fantastic I mean: understanding, sweet, texting me, calling me unexpectedly, just…sweet. Although I’ve given up on skype dates. We’re just too nocturnal in our social lives. We never make it back to the laptop early enough to do anything together.
Anyways, I spazzed out and told Garry I didn’t want to talk to him because I couldn’t chance being emotionally distraught over something silly like him not replying to my texts, missing a skype appointment, or not calling me…because it’s my finals week.
And he went along with it… the contact just stopped from his end. Which is weird cause… I’m the one who hasn’t stopped. Haha. I didn’t even last one day out of the week I wanted him to not talk to me. I eventually apologized for being a goober. But I think I’m getting the silent treatment—which I get… I was kind of a bitch when I said I didn’t want to talk to him while I was studying and taking finals.
BUT I MISS HIM. :[ :[ :[ We aren’t dating again…yet…anyways….
I’m going crazy here!. AHHDHFDHIDAHIfd.ajflwajlfdajf.
That is all.
Am I the only one who can’t play my song player, scm music player, hypster player… or anything? Tried it all, and it’s there… it just doesn’t play. :[
Do I really have to go through the billy music player? Is that the only way? It’ll take FOREVER to get all of my songs on it.
Boooooooo. :( My wonderful LDR music playlist…
I’ll be sure to mix it up, or drink it down and I’ll let you know how it was.
It’s a pretty exciting day. :] The big 2-1!
So anybody have drink suggestions for me?
I look on the side and it says 7 Messages.
I look at the spot where my 7 messages should be, and they’re not.
Right. They’re not there. =/
So I’m sitting here like, “WHAT IF IT’S IMPORTANT?! WHYYY?! WHY?!”
Sorry followers. Submit if I haven’t posted your confession, or your question, or your little notes of confidence, or whatever you’ve submitted lol. I’ll cross my fingers that they make it through. :]
As always, I LOVE YOU GUYS!!! You’re amazing! Stay strong!
Sorry, I haven’t posted much lately. The submissions box is finally all cleaned out, so please feel free to send in your confessions so I can make some more! Also, I like to get a little bit of everything; sad stories, people who are nervous, those who just need to vent, those that are depressed or going through hard times, even announcements of moving to end the distance, and people getting engaged, married, and all of the things you would like to share with me and/or the rest of this tumblr’s followers.
Fill ‘er up!
My significant other’s momma was driving from Nebraska back to Washington, where he is, and made a stop where I am to spend a day with a bunch of us who have many wonderful memories growing up with her. I ended up being kidnapped early in the morning, and got wrapped up in her pace, and in her bubbly-contagious personality. Even without the unbelievable attachment I have to her son, I will always love and look at her as my second mom.
She even got a lot of dark deep confessions out of me. I haven’t seen her in years, and just a day and a half with her and all my deepest worries, fears, confessions of love for her kid, even! They just tumble out. She is a woman to be feared.
She said some things that really made me happy. Things that make me feel accepted, and it’s nice to be regarded as a daughter, by her and her husband. I’ve known them for a loooooong time, so I have a lot of history and memories with them. I have a bond with her that is truly special. She said that regardless of what happens between me and Garry, I am required to still visit, because her and her husband aren’t chopped liver. lol.
Time goes by so fast with her. Garry’s family always tries to make me feel comfortable. I wish I could say the same about mine. My mom is a bit of a troublesome lady. My dad is wonderful, and I love my mom dearly, but she’s difficult to get along with.
Anyways, I’ve been towed around by Momma Angie for the last two days. I had a wonderful time, and I already miss her. Around now or a few hours, she will be in the same place as Garry. My envy knows no bounds. lol.
I miss her kid, too. Man, oh, man… do I miss him.
From my post about my trip to Washington.
I broke up with him. He is friends with another gal and she got kicked out of where she was living, so she ended up moving into his place, and things happened.
We were broken up at this time. I am the one that dumped him.
I had every right to date other guys, just as he had the right to do whatever he wanted with whoever he wanted. I was quite blunt about pretty much never talking to him again when I broke up with him. As soon as we talked about meeting to get closure or to work things, and made it clear I wanted to visit him, he put the line down with her as just friends. What was I supposed to do? Demand he kick her out of his apartment? Uhh…no. I’m not that much of a bitch lol. I just trust that he won’t do anything with her now that we’re back together. Yes…I suppose I trust him a hell of a lot.
Now….if he’s STILL sleeping in that bed… that’s another story.
If he’s doing things with her NOW, another story again.
And should he decide that it’s too hard to be with me and to deal with this distance, and he’d rather be in a relationship with her, I would understand. He just has to be honest with me and tell me straight out.
I am extremely jealous that she’s with him every day. I want to be there. I’m jealous that she has a lot more in common with him than he does with me. I’m jealous that he texts and is friends with her on facebook, but not with me. I’m jealous of how close they are.
But… I trust him. And that may be ridiculous… but I just want to believe that he loves me… that he’s not cheating on me. That for the last 10 years, the level of trust that I have built for him wasn’t misplaced. Until I’m proven that I’m wrong……. I want to believe that like I am faithful to him, he is being faithful to me.
And it’s so weird. I was all nervous about what would happen between us, and I hopped off the plane, met him outside where he was to pick me up, and he was standing there, and he had that ‘look’ on his face. The ‘ah, you’re here, everything is ok, I missed you so much’ face. And he held his arms open for me and I was where I was supposed to be. I was where I wanted to be, and everything that I was worried about vanished, cause I could feel how much he loved me.
It was complicated. I don’t want to just spill everything online, cause it’s our relationship, you know, and no one really should know about it, but I can give you the gist. I was the one that dumped him, he got together with this one lovely girl, and after a series of events, she moved in to the apartment with him and his two other roommates. His other two roommates are dating, it’s a two bedroom apartment, so he and this girl were staying in the same room, in the same bed, and it’s a very small bed…
Then I said I didn’t want to end our relationship over text, and we should talk about it, and after our phone conversation, a face to face, in person, meeting was required to get anywhere, for closure, for answers, or to try and work things out with him. So, to Washington I went. It was awkward at first, knowing that this girl and him had gotten together, that they were close, and she was where I wanted to be, and not just there, but living with him. I was even irritated knowing that he was texting her and facebooking her, and picked her up and dropped her off at work, cause that’s how this whole thing started: he wasn’t contacting me, wasn’t calling, texting, facebooking…anything.
I was green with envy… but we had a talk, and he told me that she had things to work out with other guys, that he told her he was going to try and work things out with me, and if things didn’t work out with me, then he could start walking on the path towards pursuing a relationship with her, maybe, if she straightened things out with her other guys. It was straightforward, he was honest with me, and I controlled myself.
It was so fast. The trip, I mean. 10 days, and I didn’t really sit down and ask him what we were now, how we would proceed, what we were going to do, etc. I just wanted to take in him, the moment, being with him… so technically… we’re not really dating… I guess, cause… I didn’t ask him back out, he didn’t ask me back out, but… I mean, we are back to the ‘I love you’ and ‘I miss you’ and it’s clear I want to be with him and he wants to be with me. I asked just once what we were going to do once I came back here, and he was quiet and rubbed my back and said he was going to have to think about it.
I was happy there. Everyone was very sweet and welcoming to me. I didn’t want to leave. It was extremely painful to get on my plane. I made a lot of wonderful, beautiful, funny, sweet, colorful memories…
I trust him. This is how much. He lives with this girl that he has done things with, along with his other two roommates, he spends a LOT of time with her, but I still trust him to love me, to be faithful, to draw the line, to work it through with me. I don’t know if it’s naivete, or silliness… I just trust him.
And I want to be with him. And holy, goodness, let me just say that cuddling in a bed with him, seeing him in the morning, riding and looking over at him while driving, hearing his voice, watching him eat… I miss all of that with every fiber of my being. I miss it so much I get teary eyed.
I love him. Fuck the rest. lol.
I will be face to face with him. It’s still difficult for me to call him my ex, for me to know he has already been with other people in the short few weeks we’ve been broken up.. but I find that my pride bends forward and backwards for him. I can take harsh words said while fighting. I just have to tell myself he is going through a rough time, but I shouldn’t take disrespect. I am the one the broke up with him, and I’m the one that needs to fight for what I want. And I know he wants me to fight for him, to fight for us. He loves me and misses me. I am his worst addiction. And I’m going to remind him why. Because he is all that and more for me. I need him. I need his smile, his voice, his touch, his turbulent and passionate heart, his body next to mine, his hugs, his kisses, his love, his anger, his sadness… All of him. For me. And him wanting and needing all of me. Next Wednesday morning…I’ll see him. Face to face. I wonder what I’ll do. Will I be shy? Will I run to him? Will I be calm and walk up to him and speak like a normal person, or will I break into tears? All I know is that I’ll be nervous, and relieved. I’ll be with him. Wish me luck. I’ll need it. :P